Do You Ever Feel Like You Don’t Matter?

raise hand if you have ever felt like you didn't matter

Raise your hand if you have ever felt like you don’t matter or belong in this world and if it took you years to figure out your own worth.  That’s what I’m doing in the above photo.  Talk about feeling “naked and afraid”.  I really just did that on national television!  Raised my hand, along with Oprah and others, fessing up to Iyanla Vanzant’s question she sent out to all of us in the audience, “Anyone with me on that in that it took a long time to realize that you matter in this world?”

So many of us were able to raise our hands and stand in our truth of having had feelings like we don’t matter in this world.  Hard thing to think, even harder to ‘fess up to it but humbling no less, knowing you are amongst others, who have thought the very same way.

Who Defines You?

I was listening to some people the other day hearing them lament over the overall fact of the lack of attention in their lives and realized that our society is quickly becoming one where we measure our worth by the number of “likes” we get on social media.  “No, No, No People”, I want to scream.  This is not a measure of our worth or of our life.  It is only a reflection of where time is spent and where illusionary value is being placed.  It’s a mirage, a sound bite, a minuscule blip on the map, a blink of an eye moment, not the whole picture and certainly not the measure of someone.

If there is one thing I want my kids to know, it is this:  When and if you use social media, do not let it define who and what you are in this world and certainly don’t place value on the number of likes you get or don’t get.  It’s irrelevant.  I, for one, am terrible about going on and liking each and every picture I see. I tried once, timing it, and it took a crazy amount of time getting through every single post and I stumbled up out of it bleary-eyed and dazed with sensory overload, couldn’t even think straight, kind of feeling.  dazed and confused

I do feel a sense of guilt of not being able to spend time acknowledging every post.  I will apologize to all of you now.  It really doesn’t mean I don’t care or like you, I do.  Believe you me, I love a like and want to be intentional about liking each and every post I see but it’s just not reality that each of us can see each and every new post that is put out and spend the time it takes doing it.  My mantra here lately is to place value where it counts:  be present, see people in the flesh not just virtually, look them in the eye, hear their voice and what they have to say, see them, really see them for who they really are and honor that gift of full presence.

When there is the occasion to spend time on social media, I really  make a point to like as many posts that I can because everyone loves a “like” and it is an easy way to lift someone up and show them with a wink and a point of the finger, I see you, I like you, I really do! The pic below is my imagination at work of what that would look like! ha ha!wink and finger point

Keeping it real, debunking the myth, social media is not a reflection of who someone “is”. I like nice pictures and all so I post them but it is not the truth of the “whole” me. Ring my doorbell in the evening and you will get the “real” me, glasses on, hair on top of head with a lovely visual below, sporting some adorable high water pjs!  I have resigned myself to calling them capris style pajamas which unfortunately you don’t have the pleasure of seeing in the pic.  Darn, I know you are so disappointed.  Someday, somehow us tall people will be able to get our head and feet in a selfie without the awkward giraffe neck and curtsy of the knees…oh the woes of the vertically challenged.  I know you feel oh so sorry for me, lol!


Look what I’ve done! I have once again, just like society, diverted your attention to the external when we all know it doesn’t stand for anything.  Don’t fall for the bait and switch mentality of what you “see” with your eyes, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

So I think you all get my point (and when I say all this, you must all realize by now that so many of the times, I’m really speaking directly to my children who read these posts and are the guiding force behind this whole endeavor).  So like I do with my kids, I repeat myself often (or is that just old age or something I read on a shampoo bottle once…wash, rinse, repeat).  Please don’t get fooled by the allure of hearing the world tell you that someone who is viral, has millions of likes and millions of followers is what makes them important and valuable in life.  It is not the standard by which any of us should be measured or measure ourselves by but yet we fall for it hook, line and sinker, time and time again.  You have to define your worth for yourself, the effort you put in and what you believe in and where you put your focus on developing, growing and strengthening your internal gifts and how you choose to offer and share those gifts with others.  I know for sure that if faith is in your life, you already have a standard by which you can measure your life and who and what you are in the world. The very reason any of us is here is reason enough to know that your life matters and stands for something and that concept alone, is comfort enough for me.  Hope it is for you too!

Our Upcoming Super Soul Evening

And that’s why Iyanla Vanzant’s, “You Matter” will be such a fun “Super Soul” session to dive into at our next “Super Soul” Share Class/Happy Hour this coming Friday.

I can’t wait to see what type of discussions come up on this topic.  If you would like to join us and want to weigh in on this thoughtful topic, we would love to have you.  You can RSVP here.

In a nutshell and not to give away the whole talk before we dive into it, Iyanla reminds all of us of simple things we can do to show that we matter.

  • Stop chasing things that are beneath the truth of who you are.
  • Stop holding on to people and things that weigh you down.
  • Stop behaving in ways that don’t honor the nobility and divinity in you.
  • Don’t make someone else’s crazy about you.
  • Strengthen your “mind muscles”.  We often strengthen our bodies but forget that we must also strengthen our minds.  As Iyanla said, “If you don’t get your mind handled and all those crazies up in your head, it is not going to turn out well for you.”
  • Reflect on how you are showing up in this life.
  • Remind yourself that no matter where you are or what you are doing, ask yourself, how am I showing up?  How am I standing in this moment? How am I speaking?  How am I sharing?  Who am I being in this moment?  Realize that it all matters.
  • Have a strong no and stand in your yes.
  • Remember what you are and what you stand for. Align yourself with the core of who are and show up with integrity.  Don’t ask someone else what they stand for and make it your own.  It is yours to own.   If you don’t know, figure out what you stand for?  Do you stand for truth?  Do you stand for joy?  Do you stand for love?

We will be asking all the ladies who join us for this “Super Soul” evening to complete these cards below so get to thinking and be ready to answer the all important question of who and what you are:


My Love Note To All of You

If you haven’t heard these words uttered out loud recently, let me remind you by saying, “You Matter”. You really do matter.  Each and every one of us knows that “You Matter” even if you don’t know it yet for yourself.  Hold tight to that and know it down to the truest and deepest depth of your soul so you don’t have to seek it outside of yourself.  If you need a reminder, print the below pic and have someone place it in random nooks and crannies of your house so it shows up when you least expect it and brings a smile to your face.

you matter

Can’t wait to see you all on Friday!



P.S.  If you ever have that feeling (and we all do) that you don’t matter, stand up, walk outside and go do good for others and you will instantly see and feel your value.  We have a fun activity planned for all the ladies and will give them each one of four missions to set out to do this next month.  Hope you will come find out what they are and participate with us!   As always you can find more at



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