Take a look at our April Super Soul where we discussed Top 10 lessons from renown researcher/professor, Brene Brown.
Show Up & Get Your Butt Kicked
What would you try if you knew people would never say [this] about you. What would [this] be?
Vulnerability – It is about showing up and being seen.
Brene pointed to the above, infamous quote, “Man In The Arena”, from Theodore Roosevelt that changed something in her life:
Brene shares, “This is who I want to be. I want to create. I want to make things that didn’t exist before I touched them. I want to show up and be seen in my work and my life. And, if you are going to show up and be seen, there is only one guarantee and that is – you will get your ass kicked. That is the only certainty you will ever have if you choose to step into the arena.” An unavoidable consequence if courage is a value you hold.
Brene’s New Philosophy of Criticism: “If you aren’t in the arena getting your a** kicked, I am not interested in your feedback.” In other words, don’t take advice from people who aren’t out there doing the work or the naysayers sitting at home on their couches talking about what other people are out there doing.
Authenticity is a practice and you choose it every day. Let go of what other people think of you.
Brene found that the most compassionate people she has interviewed over the years were absolutely the most boundaried. [ Boundary meaning what is okay and not okay]
What we do is we don’t set boundaries and we let people do things that are not okay or get away with things that are not okay, and then what ends up happening is we become resentful and hateful.
Brene shares that she would rather be loving and generous and very straightforward with what is okay and not okay.
Brene says she has a B-I-G question that we all can ask ourselves.
What BOUNDARIES need to be in place for me to stay in my INTEGRITY and make the most GENEROUS assumptions about you.
Generosity cannot exist without boundaries. We are more concerned with what people might think or that we might disappoint someone.
Boundaries are the key to self-love and to treating others with love and kindness.
Actively Practice Gratitude
Brene shared that in her research that those people who describe themselves as joyful all actively practice gratitude in some way every day.
Find a tangible way to practice gratitude.
Here is just one idea: Take a minute each day and write down what you are grateful for. Be thoughtful on what you choose to write it on so it is something you remember to do each day, whether it is a journal, a pretty note card or a large canvas that you walk by every day.
Below is a 16 x20 canvas I just made to start up this practice again; and to keep it going with all the ladies, we passed out note cards so everyone could start their own practice at home.
We are taught to numb and push away negative emotions. If we learn to numb the difficult emotions than we also numb the joyous ones.
Vulnerability is the center of difficult emotion but is also the birthplace of every positive emotion that we need in our life: love, belonging, joy, empathy.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation and creativity.
Let Go Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a way of avoiding shame, blame or judgment. We carry it around thinking it will protect us from getting hurt but it protects us from truly being seen.
Perfectionism is very different than being excellent in your work or your field.
Explore Your Emotions
We tend to make up stories in our head and rationalize before really understanding what is actually going on and figuring out what it is we are really feeling and what the truth of the matter is.
Build Shame Resistance
Shame is more likely to cause destructive behaviors than it is to cure it. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, bullying. Shame tends to corrode the part of us that we know can change.
In order to build shame resistance, we need to:
- Recognize shame and what triggers it;
- Practice critical awareness;
- Talk about it.
- Speak and use the word “shame”. Shame cannot hold on when you name it.
The number one casualty of a scarcity culture is vulnerability (we shut down).
Vulnerability is not just about fear, grief and disappointment, it is the birthplace of everything we are hungry for: joy…faith…love…creativity…innovation.
There is no innovation and creativity without failure. You have to be open enough to take the risk to fail.
Don’t Have Any Regrets
Reserve a seat for the critics but, most importantly, for yourself. You are your own worst critic. We all tend to be self-critical.
Reserve a seat and take a look at pictures of yourself, reminding us of:
- Where we came from.
- How we started.
- Our families.
- The lost years.
- The people who love us.
- The moments that make us who we are; and then in that chair should be this person.
- A picture of yourself – a picture of the person who believes in what we are doing and why we are doing it; and the person who says, yeah it is so scary to show up and be seen, it is terrifying; but it is not as scary and terrifying as getting to the end of our lives and thinking….what if I would have shown up.
Watch Brene’s Top 10
There is so much more to this 30 min. talk. Take a listen: